Home Permanency After Divorce

In my past few posts I have been discussing the divorce process and mediation. For me in this process I lost my first house. The first house that I worked to purchase and make a home for my family. I will say though, that although it made me sad to leave, I chose to not fight for the house. Let me tell you why.

Why I Didn’t Fight For My Home

There are a variety of reasons why I chose not to fight for my home in the divorce process.

• After leaving it the way I did, I would no longer feel safe there ever again. My ex and his family would know exactly where I was.
• I didn’t think I could be approved for the mortgage on the house with it only in my name.
• I had many negative memories in that house, especially towards the end that I didn’t want to be reminded of every single day.
• I had more important things I was fighting for- my dog. Remember, I told you that negotiating is critical. The house was something I was willing to give him.

Even though I didn’t fight for my house for all of these reasons, I still am valid in grieving the loss of my home and a sense of stability.

Way Stations

After leaving my home I felt a serious lack of permanency and stability. Why? Because I no longer had a long term place to call home and to call my own. Instead I was at a variety of way stations.

• My friend’s house- This was my first way station and without it I couldn’t have made the separation safely the way that I did.
• My parents’ house- This was my second way station and allowed me to gain financial stability and security to move forward.
• My apartment- This was my third way station and it allowed me to build back my independence and overcome many PTSD hurtles.

I am thankful for each and every one of my way stations. At all of them I was safe, supported, and able to grow. They were critical for me in my process and are for many others. You may find that you have more or less way stations than I shared and that’s normal. This journey looks different for everyone. What matters is that you are safe.

Buying My New Home

A few days ago I closed on my brand new house, bringing a close to all of my way stations. I am so fortunate and blessed to have been able to purchase this home and the support I have had from my family and friends in the process. It has been an interesting and hard journey, but I am moving forward. I am finding my sense of permanency and looking to see what else the future has in store for me!