Today I want to talk about facing fears, because today I have plans of conquering a fear of mine. I am absolutely terrified of going to places that I have been with my ex-husband before (especially if we went often). Sporting events has been a huge one for me. I have only been to two since running away. One was in another state and the other I was surrounded by work colleagues at a game that was less typical for us to go to. Now I love going to sporting events, especially basketball and I have let my ex-husband get to own that space. I have been working in EMDR therapy on not allowing him to own everything I enjoyed going to. So today, I do it. I go to a UofL basketball game. I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t very anxious, but I have taken some steps to ease the anxiety.
Easing Fears by Analyzing Them
A lot of times fear is based in not having control, so if you can analyze your fear, it can give you a sense of control. The first thing to think through is what you are scared of. For me, it’s running into my ex-husband. Then you want to think of the probability it could happen. In this case, there is a decent possibility as this is an event he would go to. Albeit since it is a women’s game that does alleviate some of the possibility.
Once knowing that your fear is possible you can think through what you will do in the worst case. It is important to remember the worst case likely won’t happen. But for my case I can think through what to do or parameters that lessen my fears.
- There are metal detectors at the gaits that would prevent him from having a weapon.
- There will be lots of other people there and he won’t do things in front of others.
- I will have someone else with me.
- I can leave the event (I don’t have to stay in that situation).
- I can call for help if I need it (a friend, my therapist, 911).
Having these tools can make you feel more in control of a situation when you don’t feel in control of what might happen.
Handling Panic Symptoms During the Process
Even if you feel ready and have a good plan, you may still have panic symptoms when facing a major fear (especially involving PTSD). Please give yourself grace. It is normal to feel this way. You may decide this isn’t the time to face this fear and that’s okay, give yourself more time and resources. But there are some strategies for navigating these panic moments.
If you know an event will likely be triggering you can do some pre-emptive things.
- Do some yoga/meditation
- Make sure a friend or trusted person comes with you
- Don’t forget to eat/drink water
- Write about it
Then when you are in the moment you can have some strategies as well, such as:
- Take deep breaths
- Identify 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste
- Take some drinks of water or nibble on a snack
- Get up and move around
- Take a break and go to the bathroom
No matter what happens, be proud of yourself. It took courage to get to where you are. You will get where you want to be (even if it takes longer than you think it will).
