This month of April is Sexual Assault Awareness month and it closely coincides with the re-release of Paris Paloma’s song “Labour”. This version is collaborative and features the voices of many women and their allies- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JDFRTRjozc. If you are not familiar with this song, it has become a rally cry for women everywhere and we are going to dive into why. And yes this does not represent all men, but enough women can relate to this experience that it is too much.
“You Make Me Do Too Much Labour”
This line goes into what is expected of women in a household. In many cases they are expected to maintain the majority of the labour- cooking, cleaning, and taking care of children/pets. This is often still true even if that woman is working outside of the household. So not only are they expected to work outside of the home, but also do all of the work in the home. This is compared to many men who feel like it is the woman’s responsibility to do this and if they have been at work all day, they should not have to do any work at home.
This was true for me in my relationship with my ex-husband. There was a point during 2020 when he was out of work and we had just gotten a new house. I was working two jobs (while he was working none). Yet the expectation was still there that I would do all the cooking and cleaning in our home. This was true when we had our three foster girls. I was working and yet I was responsible for all the care (including all the appointments and fostering paperwork) for our three girls, taking care of our dog, and maintaining the house. Not to mention the time I was sick with COVID for two weeks. He didn’t make sure I had the necessities and our house became destroyed. Any moment that I had the slightest bit of energy went towards making sure we had clean clothes/dishes. “Too much labour”!
Double Meanings In the Lyrics
There are several lines in the song “Labour” that have double meanings. These lyrics can hit differently depending on your experiences.
- “So that he never lifts a finger”. At first listen this could just mean that he doesn’t have to do any work. However, from a more abusive relationship standpoint this could mean that you are doing the work so that you do not get hit/beat. When I heard this line my mind went straight towards my ex-husband lifting up his gun. So I see his finger near the trigger when I hear this line. If I can do the labour and keep him happy he won’t hurt me.
- “It’s not an act of love if you make her”- This line could mean that the woman doing the labour or having a child is an act of love on her part in the relationship. But it isn’t an act of love if the man is forcing her to do all the work or have a child without support. This line screams sexual assault to me. Making love is not an act of love if it is forced.
“Not All Men”
No, not all men treat women this way. My father is an amazing example of a man who would do anything for my mom. He goes to work and is still willing to do labour around the house and for other members of our family. He treats my mom “like a bar of gold”. However, all women have a story or know a woman with a story. Unfortunately, there are so many men who do not treat women well.
Women are taught:
- Always watch your drink
- Better be careful of what you wear
- Always let someone know where you are going
- Be prepared with pepper spray or have your keys between your knuckles when walking alone in a parking lot
- Make sure you tell a friend or family member when you make it home
Too much! It is just too much. These are things that most men could never dream of needing to worry about or think about (unless it is to protect a girl/woman that they care about). We as a society need to do better. Better for so many people. Not just here in America-but across the globe.
