Today I got rid of something that I have been holding onto for the last two years. It was surprisingly more difficult to get rid of than I thought it would be. And it became much more emotional than I thought it would be. I do think it was very important that I got rid of it on my terms and I want to talk about the why.
Why I Was Still Hanging Onto It
The item that I got rid of today was the dress that I wore at my brother’s wedding, which is the last day that I saw my ex-husband. I have held onto it for all this time (despite not being willing to wear it again) for several reasons.
- My brother’s wedding was a big deal ( I love my brother and my sister in law)
- I have adorable pictures of me and my family while wearing it
- I felt pretty in it (when I tried it on and put it on that day)
- Maybe one day I would feel okay with wearing it again
Why I Needed to Get Rid of It
So despite all the reasons that I was holding onto it, I realized that I needed to get rid of it and just let it go. The number of reasons that I have for letting it go far outnumber the reasons that I had for keeping it.
- My ex-husband taunted me for days about the dress
- My ex-husband felt like this dress was a reason that he could break my boundaries
- Wearing this dress became an excuse for him as to why he forced my face up to kiss him and why he was going to do things to me that I didn’t want him to do.
- I was in this dress when he held me on the bed for what felt like ages, while I had my legs pretzel knotted as tight as they could be.
- This dress is a reminder of the worst moments in my marriage. The moments that pushed me to run away and leave him.
How I Got Rid of It
I decided that I needed to do more than just throw it away. And I didn’t want to donate it because I didn’t want to send that negative energy on to anyone else. I felt like I needed to do something in order to help process my emotions surrounding the dress from my anger to my fear and my sadness/grief. Therefore, I decided to cut that dress up while listening to some of my favorite angry music. I cut it into a bunch of pieces and then tossed it into my trash can. Then I topped the bag of dress strips with bags of dog poop. That is exactly what I think of my ex-husband and what he did to me while I was wearing this dress.
I might have cried the entire time that I cut this dress up, but crying isn’t a bad thing. I needed to let go of those emotions as much as I needed to get rid of that dress. Do you have something from a past relationship that you are still holding onto? Think about it. Is it something you still really need? Or can you find a creative, and you way to get rid of it? I believe in you and your power to move forward and into your future.
