In therapy, my therapist has been working with me on the fact that I deserve the best. As we started talking about me dating people, she chose to use an analogy that I would like to share with you. We all deserve the Häagen-Dazs of people in our lives.
What Does the Häagen-Dazs of People Mean?
First things, first, I will admit that I had a rather difficult time working through this analogy because I was being very fiscally minded. My therapist told me to imagine that I had never tried ice cream before, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to like it. She then asked if I would first try the Kroger Brand ice cream or the Häagen-Dazs ice cream. I very quickly answered that I would get the Kroger Brand. Why spend the money on the Häagen-Dazs if I don’t even know if I like ice cream. She wanted me to go for the fancier option because it is better ice cream. I would have a better chance of liking it because it is the better version. I pushed back saying, “but what if I didn’t like it and I wasted my money on something I didn’t need?”. Obviously, I missed her point.
She gave up going this route, because my brain just didn’t like her reasoning. We ended up talking about how I deserve the Häagen-Dazs of people. That I am the type of person who doesn’t always treat myself. I don’t think that I deserve (or need) the fancy things. But the truth is, I deserve the best people in my life and so do you! These kinds of people are the people who are there for you when you need them to be. They are willing to put in the same kind of effort that you are willing to put in. They respect your boundaries. And of course you find them fun to be around.
How I Have Been Applying This Analogy
Since that therapy appointment, I have thought about this analogy quite often. I even laughed when I passed the ice cream aisle and saw Häagen-Dazs in the freezer. I and many others have a challenging time thinking about ourselves and doing what is best for us. Why? Often, it’s because we want to help other people, and we want other people to be happy. I am learning however, that is important for me to do things (at least every once in a while) that are just for me.
I have also considered this quite often in the world of dating. For example, I decided to stop talking to and going on dates with a guy because I felt that he was not respectful of my time and energy. I decided that he was not the Häagen-Dazs of people. There have been others that I have decided to stop talking to (and not even entertain going on a date with them) because I truly wasn’t attracted to or interested in them (even though they were very interested in dating me). Before I may have tried going on a date or continuing to talk to these people because I felt bad not to or because it made me happy that they were interested in me. Could they be the Häagen-Dazs of people? Maybe they were. But they just weren’t my “favorite flavor” to keep this analogy going.
It’s okay to not like someone in a romantic way or even in a friend way. It’s also okay to let go of someone you do like because they are not good for you. You don’t have to keep wasting your time and energy on people who are not aligned with you. Why? Because you are deserving of the best.
