After divorce or departing from a long term relationship special days can be difficult. They may remind you of happy moments that you miss. Or they may remind you of sad moments that you would rather forget. Birthdays are one of those special moments that may feel strange. For me, I didn’t expect for the birthdays of my ex-husband and I to make me feel sad. But they did.
Birthdays and Memories
I tend to remember the specifics of most occasions and events that happen. I remember my ex-husband turning 21 and me buying him a fancy bottle of root beer because I was 19. I remember when I turned 21 and he made me a drink with incorrect measurements and I only had 1 sip (and never did again). Then there was my birthday and we went bowling and ate pizza. These were happy memories. Moments I shared with him. Times I felt loved and connected. I miss having those moments with him, even if they were mixed with the bad.
Friend/Family Connections
After divorce or leaving a long term relationship, you lose family. You lose people you considered to be friends. This is very challenging. People you would normally see or hear from on your birthday are no longer there. You might find yourself missing some of these people. I know I did. It was a reminder of all the people in addition to my ex-husband that I lost. But it was also a reminder of the new relationships I have made and how many people do truly care about me.
Social Media on Birthdays
Social media is often used as a way to share and celebrate people on their birthday. I have tried to avoid social media after my divorce, but I slip up. Especially on special occasions when I crave that connection. I do regret my slip ups because I saw his post about turning 30 this year. He talked about how his 20s went from love to heartbreak and happiness to depression. I also saw a memory of him celebrating my birthday 4 years ago and it was so sweet. I just wish I knew why that went away.
In Conclusion
Just know that if you do experience negative emotions on a day that you think should be happy that it is okay. It is also something that is an experience others have. Be sure to take care of yourself and treat yourself in those moments. These feelings will ease up, but it is okay to feel them when they are present.
