If you drown in 2 feet of water, it is the same result as if you drowned in 20 feet of water. Just because you only drowned in 2 feet of water, it does not make your experience any less valid. Comparing traumatic experiences and/or pain does not do anyone any good. All this does is attempt to invalidate your experiences or the feeling of others.
Why Are We Comparing?
Comparing is something that we do naturally. This is just how our brain works. It is how we learn and process things in the world around us. There are a couple of positives that can come from comparisons.
- When you have an experience or health condition that no one understands, comparisons can help them to have a better idea of what your experience is. For example, if you have an invisible condition, if you can state conditions that are similar that people are aware of, they can develop a concept of what you may be going through.
- Comparisons can also provide some perspective, in that you can recognize that others are going through traumas and pain as well. This can help you to feel less alone in your experiences. But can also show you that everyone needs to be supportive and kind to others.
Cons of Comparisons
Despite the reasons that we compare, there are some important reasons to not compare your pain and trauma to that of others.
- Comparing will make you or others feel invalidated.
- Struggles related to pain and trauma are subjective and unique to the individual- they are not things that can be objectively compared.
- It is important to recognize that pain and trauma are not fun things for anyone to go through and we just need to be there for one another.
- We all have different situations that will enable us to work through pain and trauma in different ways.
- Comparing often leads to feeling bad about yourself.
In Conclusion
No matter what, our brains will attempt to compare our situation to that of others. It is important to try to recognize when we are doing this so that we can confront these comparisons. Remind yourself that despite what comparisons may be telling you, that you are doing the best that you can and that your feelings about your given situation are valid. If you are struggling, you are struggling. Just remember that you will not always struggle or at the very least, there will be good moments mixed in with the struggle moments.
