This week when I went to EMDR therapy, I talked with my therapist about moments that I have shared with others about my experiences. From moments with friends, to those who read this blog, and people I encounter at work. As I discussed what felt like a very small moment, my therapist stopped me. She told me that she was incredibly impressed by these moments. When I asked why, she stated that even though this was a brief interaction that it likely created ripples that I may never know. As I left EMDR that day, I looked up at the evening sky. All I could see were ripples and it felt meant to be.
What Are Ripples?
You may have heard of the ripple effect. The ripple effect refers to the continuing and spreading of results after an event or action takes place. When an event happens or you take action, the effects are not limited to the immediate area. Nor to those who are immediately involved. In short, our decisions carry the potential to create a chain reaction that can impact the lives of others.
These ripples can contribute to change in how others perceive those around them to the actions that they take. When this happens, the changes in others then impact those around them. This can continue on and on. The important thing to remember about your ripples is that they have power. This power can be used in a positive or negative way. I am choosing to focus on a couple examples of positive action.
How The Ripple Effect Can Occur
Displays of Vulnerability
It can be incredibly challenging to be vulnerable with those around you. Especially when you feel an immense amount of shame around something. Perhaps you feel like those around you will no longer like you if they knew the true you or about the trauma that has happened to you.
For example, I have been incredibly ashamed of sharing the full story of my husband sexually assaulting me. I have eluded to what happened and shared that he did assault me, but have been unable to share the whole truth. I have felt that what happened and how it happened made me a bad person. With that feeling was the feeling of knowing that others would see me that way too. That they may no longer want to be my friend. I recently shared the full story with a friend despite those fears. Afterwards, they were willing to share something vulnerable as well. Being vulnerable with someone you trust helps to create a safe space. A space that can help squash shame.
Existing in a Space as Your Authentic Self
Being authentic can be challenging because of fear of judgement from others. As a person with a dynamic disability it can be a struggle at times to use the mobility tools that I need out in public or in the workplace. It is equally if not more difficult to explain the need of those tools to others. A few years back I bit down my fear and I purchased a wheelchair to use at work. I expected questions and for people to look at me differently, but I never anticipated the opportunity I had to teach children about disabilities and mobility tools.
I have had so many interactions with children in my place of work while in a wheelchair and there are many that stand out to me. Moments where I got to explain how a wheelchair works to children who had never seen one before. Instances where I got to teach children about having respect for people’s wheelchairs, in hopes that they will remember that experience when they encounter someone else using a wheelchair. And the times when I got to be a positive representation for children coming in who use mobility tools. For many of them they hadn’t seen a person in a wheelchair doing the things that I was doing and I hope it showed them that they can do whatever they set their minds to.
Challenging the Status Quo
Our society has a way of creating a set of societal expectations on what someone is capable of. One of my experiences with this involves what society expects of me as a disabled person. These expectations, these perceptions of those with disabilities often creates a reality that can be difficult to surpass. These perceptions create limits. My therapist shared with me a powerful video from the perspective of a person with Downs Syndrome that highlights this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fHGsLuA76w.
I am constantly challenging the status quo. Despite what society and doctors may think, I am incredibly capable.
I have:
- Relearned to walk three times when I have had multiple doctors give up on me
- Ran three mini-marathons in between the times that I couldn’t walk
- Published a children’s book
- A full time job (that I do a great job at by the way)
- Bought my own house and live there on my own
- Got out of a domestic violence relationship and didn’t return
- Been there and will continue to be there for my family and friends
I might need more tools or a different timeline in order to accomplish things and they may be more difficult to accomplish. But that doesn’t make them impossible. It doesn’t make me incapable. By doing these things, by challenging the limits imposed on me by others I create ripples. I challenge their perceptions and allow for the possibility of those perceptions to change for not only myself, but for others like me.
