As we are coming up on Valentine’s Day, I thought it was the perfect time to start diving into the topic of when to start dating again. This is something that I am starting to get questions on from others, so I want to address it. Starting to date after divorce or a break-up can be tricky and can especially be after leaving an abusive relationship. So in this post I am going to address how to know when you are ready to begin dating again and important things to remember when you do.
When Should You Start Dating?
The biggest thing you can remember is that there is no perfect timeline. Do not fret that you are going too slowly or that you are moving faster than others you know. This timeline is completely up to you and what makes you feel comfortable. It may vary greatly based on what happened in your previous relationship, how long that relationship was, and your personal journey after leaving. If you have experienced an intense divorce or you have experienced abuse in your past relationship, you may need to take longer to heal. You might even consider talking to a life coach or therapist to go through whether you are in a stable place to move into a new relationship.
Personally, I have felt like the idea of me dating is silly for the longest time. But I am now starting to see it as a possibility. Even though there is not a timeline, there are some signs that you might be ready to start exploring the dating world.
- You are feeling emotionally stable- it is important to spend time recovering from any emotional hang ups and dealing with any trauma. This way you can move into a healthy relationship and not seek a similar relationship to the one you just got out of.
- You have confidence in yourself- you can see yourself as beautiful (handsome), deserving of affection, able to connect with others, and willing to be authentically you with someone else.
- You start to find yourself thinking about dating more (in a positive way).
- You can notice when someone is flirting with you or interested in making that connection with you. Vice versa, you start trying to be flirtatious with others.
Things to Remember
As you contemplate or truly start diving into the dating pool, there are some important things to remember. These are all things that I will be reminding myself as well when I decide that I am truly ready to start dating again. I am on this journey too, and as I learn things I will be sure to share them with you. If you have learned anything in your journey, I would love to hear your strategies or things you learned.
- Pace Yourself- This is not a race. Don’t let anyone force you into thinking that you have to jump into something you are not ready for.
- Be aware of your wants, needs, and boundaries. But at the same time, do not get so clinical with this that it becomes impossible to find someone that fits your laundry list of requirements.
- Be sure that you communicate your needs and boundaries. Remember that no one has the right to break your boundaries.
- Be honest and authentic, but also do not dwell too much on past relationships (especially on your first couple of dates).
- Take care of yourself. Dating is hard and there may be lots of ups and downs. Make sure that you are maintaining connections to an external support system as well as your own independence.
- Change can be hard and it is important to manage your expectations and yet stay optimistic. We all have the right person out there, but it may take time and patience to get there.
- Change and progress is not linear, but over time, you will see how much you have grown.
