I wanted to write this post today because it is based on where I am currently at in my chronic illness journey. I have been steadily gaining more diagnoses and changing treatments. My doctors tell me that they don’t know how I’m doing what I am doing. My therapist asks me how I feel about it. Truthfully it can be overwhelming. And where I am at is trying to find balance.
What is There to Balance?
I am an incredibly driven and stubborn person. I am not one that listens to what doctors say that I’m not capable of doing. Hard things and working hard do not scare me. However, my health is getting to the point that some things just aren’t possible. Sometimes the symptoms at night are scary. These things mixed together make me feel overwhelmed and in need of some balance. So what are we balancing?
- Physical health needs vs Mental health needs
- Being able to do the have tos: doctors, therapies, treatments, work, and life things with being able to do social things with family/friends and hobbies I enjoy
- Aspirations for the future vs What is reasonable given my health needs
- Acceptance of my lifelong conditions vs Not giving up
- Being independent vs Asking for help when needed
Why This Gets Tricky
There are several reasons why finding balance gets tricky. The first being that quite honestly, I have high expectations of myself and want to do all the things. There are also certain road blocks like financials, amount of available energy, and being a single person.
The hardest piece though is that my disabilities and conditions are dynamic. This means that what I am capable of depends on the day or even the time of the day. For example, when we think about what is too much. Some days going up the stairs at work is too much vs other days where I can take a hike if following precautions. It isn’t always clear why. And there are many triggers for my newest condition (and overdoing it isn’t the only one).
My Plans
I don’t have the best answer right now. That is okay! My goal is to work on pacing. Going at a slower pace when doing a physical task. Taking more breaks. Asking for help with physical tasks. Recognizing that some days have to be rest days and that isn’t a bad thing. Giving myself more grace and more credit for all the things that I am managing to do. These things don’t make me less than, a burden, or less strong/capable. I got this!
