Both when you are recovering from trauma and when you have chronic illness the idea of “having fun” can have a weird perception. Often when you are chronically ill or disabled, people picture you only in bed. And if you are going out you are not really “ill or disabled enough”. When you are recovering from an abusive relationship it can be weird feeling because of the triggers you may face when you are going out.
Why You Still Deserve to Have Fun
Everyone deserves to have fun in their life no matter what is going on. It doesn’t make you any less sick or disabled if you do something out. The idea that you should just be in bed or not go out is not reasonable or real. There are accommodations and ways you adapt to still live the life you want to live on the days or moments you can.
One of my friends has also said it really well when it comes to having fun when recovering from an abusive relationship. “He doesn’t get to own everything and have all the fun, that just lets him win.” She is so right. It isn’t fair for the abuser to get to carry on like nothing has happened while I live too scared to do things that I enjoy. And again just like with a disability there are adjustments you can make to make this more feasible on the days you can.
Planning Ahead for Going Out
When going out with chronic illness, disability, or while in trauma recovery you have to plan. Often when you go out with no planning it can lead to flares, crashes, and other issues. Make a Plan!
Plan for your triggers:
- Get rest ahead of the event and plan for it afterwards
- Go with a buddy
- Analyze the outing to know where to park, what mobility aid you need, medicine to take, etc.
- Have an alternative driving plan
- Remember to breathe and take pauses when you face a trigger
- Eat safe foods and monitor your liquid intake
- Know your limits and stop when you need to
How I Implemented These Strategies
Yesterday I did a big thing for me for both the physical and mental side of things. I went to a soccer game in my home town. This is something that my ex-husband and I did a lot together. That mixed with the amount of people at this event made it challenging for my PTSD. I have also been in a lot of side pain the last few days so I felt like I shouldn’t go. But I reminded myself that I deserved to have fun, I just had to be safe.
I made a strong plan. I rested by watching movies during the day and only ate foods that cause less problems typically. I went with a good friend and she drove. I made sure to bring the mobility device that would allow me to get up the stairs and we asked about handicap parking. Even with all of that, by halftime I was spent and in a lot of pain. It wasn’t a great idea to keep pushing so we headed out at halftime.
Despite the fact that we left at halftine I’m proud of that because I listened to what I needed but I still had fun. Me getting to go do part of the game with a friend was more fun for me than sitting home by myself and I had the next day to recover. This isn’t always possible, but we have to take the fun moments when we can.
