I think that it is incredibly important to think about giving yourself grace and having self compassion, especially at the holidays. The holidays can be such a hard time for people and we are often our own worst critics. We expect to be able to keep up with the perceptions that we have of others. It can be easy to feel alone in what you are feeling when social media portrays everyone as being jolly all the time. I can promise you that you are not alone and that you deserve the grace that you probably extend to others.
What is Grace?
The most basic way that it can be said, is that grace means to be kind to yourself. It means that you understand that mistakes happen and everyone makes them. Mistakes are going to happen, and there will be things that you wish you could change. But the truth is, mistakes are how we learn and grow as humans. Grace also means that you can give yourself compassion when you can’t keep up with everyone. Maybe you are ill, disabled, in debt, experiencing a loss, etc. All of these things add more to your mental and physical load. There is only so much that one can carry and its okay if you can’t carry it all. It is okay to ask for help from others and it is also okay if something doesn’t get done (it is not the end of the world).
Making a mistake or not being able to do everything doesn’t make you terrible, it makes you human.
How to Practice Self Compassion
There are so many different ways that you can practice self-compassion and we are going to go through a couple examples of what that looks like.
Reframing Your Thoughts
How many times have you been thinking and started engaging in negative self-talk? Probably more times than you can recall. An important thing that we can do is start to recognize the negative self-talk and transform it. Here are some examples.
- “I am such a bother to other people”- “I like to help others, and others don’t mind helping me”
- “I was so stupid”- “I didn’t have the information I needed at the time to make the best decision”
- “I can’t make the difference I want to make”- “I do so much more than I know”
- “It’s all my fault” (in response to being abused)- “It is not my responsibility to manage the actions/choices of others”
- So many others! What are some common thoughts you have and how can you reframe them?
Accepting Your Emotions
Often when we experience hardship or trauma we have high expectations of ourselves emotionally. We expect that we can just “move on”. Unfortunately that is not how it works. There is not a timeline or specific way to feel in response to these hardships and traumas. However you feel, it is valid. It does no good to beat yourself up for having emotions that you don’t think you should have. For example, I will often beat myself up for having moments that I miss my ex-husband even though he is not a good person. I have to remind myself that I miss the good moments we had, the husband I thought I had, and the life that I expected to lead. It is okay for me to grieve these things (even if I am doing way better without him). They are not stupid feelings, they are just complicated. We have to accept that we have these emotions and give ourselves the grace that it is understandable when we feel them.
Keeping To Your Boundaries
Sometimes, it can be difficult to pace yourself and keep to the boundaries you have set for yourself. Oftentimes we expect that we should be able to do everything that we “need” to do and keep up with everyone else. The real truth is that no one gets every single thing done every single time. Things happen! We end up with unexpected things added to our plate or we have physical/mental roadblocks that limit the amount of things that can happen at one time. We are humans, we are not perfect. And we deserve rest. Give yourself the grace to say “no” to things and to take the time you need to recover from things.
Expressing Pride & Gratitude
For some people, pride comes easily and for others it is difficult to be proud of ourselves. When I talk about expressing pride, I am not referring to gloating or rubbing your success in the face of others. What I am referring to is recognizing that you are proud of yourself. Find something every day that you can give yourself props for. Perhaps you got a task done that you had been putting off. Maybe you paid off some or all of your debt. You might have tried something new or scary. Or something as simple as you allowed yourself the space you needed.
Alongside pride, is gratitude. Gratitude to our bodies for making it through another day. Gratitude for the ability to do something you love. But also gratitude for others and the things that they do every single day that impact you. For the people who check in on you when you are having a tough time. For the people who gave you a special something that made you smile. Or the neighbor who takes out your garbage can just because. There are so many things to find gratitude in.
In Conclusion
Grace and Self-Compassion are topics that I have been thinking about a lot lately. I have some great people in my life who remind me “give yourself some grace”. This post has been a really great way for me to remind myself of ways that I can continue to practice. I hope that it has given you some tangible ways that you too can practice giving yourself some grace. Trust me when I say that you deserve it!
