I am by no means the creator of this, but I love the metaphor: grief is like glitter. One of my good friends is not a fan of this phrase. In her mind grief is not something that is pretty and sparkly. For me, I am thinking of it as something that never goes all the way away. We might process it, but that hurt and sadness will always be a little part of us.
The Grief Journey
When we think about processing grief there are five main stages.
- Denial- When you cannot recognize that what has happened has truly happened. You are in a state of disbelief.
- Bargaining- When you think that you can alter or could have altered what has happened by changing your behavior or giving something else in exchange.
- Depression- When you can truly feel the full weight and sadness of your loss.
- Anger- When you are angry at what has happened, the person you blame for what has happened, or even at how unfair the world is.
- Acceptance- When you come to terms with what has happened and that it cannot be changed. You find ways to make your life whole again and can keep moving forward.
Most people want these stages to be linear. We want to move from one stage to the next and leave these feelings behind us when we reach acceptance. Unfortunately this is not how it works. As you grieve you may experience these stages:
- All in the same day
- Out of order
- You may go backwards in the stages
- You may experience acceptance and start the grief cycle over again due to a trigger or the anniversary effect.
Important to Remember
There is not a “right” or “normal” way to grieve. Do not be hard on yourself for grieving something you might feel you “should already be past”. I am reminding myself of this too. Today has been a hard day for me. I have found myself looking at old pictures, reading old messages, and crying from things that I saw at the grocery store. This is all a very normal part of grief and loss.
Like glitter, the sadness will never fully leave you. I can promise you, though, that it does eventually get easier. Just take it one moment at a time.
