One of the most challenging things to do in an abusive or toxic relationship is to find a way out. To know when you need to leave. When you are in this situation it can be hard to see what is happening. It is scary to consider what will happen to you or to them if you do leave. You may also feel like what is happening is your fault.
How I Knew I Needed to Leave
I had been working on the concept of not staying married to my now ex-husband. However, I never imagined leaving the way that I did. I literally had to run away from my home while he was on a road trip. The people surrounding me in my support system helped me to understand the type of situation I was in. I will never forget some of the phrases they said to me.
- “You know, it isn’t normal to have a go bag packed in your car.”
- “Why have you not been able to eat? I know things have been stressful, but why are you scared?”
- “I feel like I need to not let you go home and that I need to call the police.”
- “Have you told … about what he is doing with guns?”
- “You care a lot about your mom and dad. How would you feel if they get a phone call that you are dead?”
Until my friends and co-workers said things at this level, I did not quite realize exactly how bad it was. I was in survival mode and couldn’t think. These are things that I didn’t share all of it with my family because I didn’t want them to think poorly of him. I knew that things were not good but wasn’t aware that what was happening was as dangerous as it was. Their words were highly impactful and thankfully I was in a place that I could listen to them and make a very rapid and drastic change in my life that I was not planning on. In less than 24 hours from some of these comments, I made a plan, packed my most critical belongings, and ran away.
In Conclusion
Running away and knowing that I had to leave was the most challenging thing that I have ever done. I was terrified and had no idea what was going to happen. So much is owed to my support system for being there for me and helping me get out of this situation. But I have tried to remember that I also played a part in leaving. Being able to listen to others and strong enough to act on it. It is a huge act of bravery to get out of an abusive relationship and it is hard. But it is incredibly worth it. We are worth it. We deserve that better life.
