Perspective Change as a Domestic Violence Survivor

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. The photo above popped up in my social media memories and it really started to create a shift in perspective.

The Importance of the Photo

The photo that I have posted above is of myself with my ex-husband. The importance does not lie in us, but in what we are wearing. One of my cousins had just recently gotten out of a domestic violence situation at the time. Everyone in our family was and still is so thankful to have her safe and back in our lives. She created these t-shirts and launched them as part of domestic violence awareness month in 2020. Many people bought these shirts in support of her journey as well as for domestic violence awareness in general. We then made social media posts honoring that journey and her strength.

So this is a photo of me and my ex-husband in domestic violence awareness t-shirts. With him playing the role of being an avid supporter of preventing domestic violence (which makes me so angry now). While I had no idea that I was in a similar (albeit different) situation as my cousin was in. Looking at this photo blew my mind a little bit and certainly changed my perspective of myself.

My Perspective Shift

From my perspective, I had a hard time understanding that I was in a domestic violence situation. I had not once considered it until I was on the phone with the Center for Women and Families the day I decided to run away. Even from just the very little bit that I managed to get out they said, “you know that this is domestic violence” and I said, “no.” I had a very firm belief on what I thought domestic violence was and I thought it meant that I was being beat up. But he also had me convinced that I was wrong about everything else. He had me so confused that I didn’t know what was real and what was fake.

Even after departing I never saw myself as a “domestic violence survivor”. That is, until I took a look at that photo. When I saw that photo, I wanted to share it side by side with a new photo of myself. Highlighting the fact that I am in such a better place now. Not only that, I am so proud of myself and can see the differences (even just how I look in photos). I am proud for so many reasons:

• I got out of that relationship and I never went back to him.
• I have not messaged him and I have blocked him on all forms of social media.
• I have worked through many large emotions and continue working on processing everything that has happened.
• I have discovered myself (as an individual) and learned a lot about what I am worth.
• I am so much happier and can enjoy life without being so terrified.

My perspective on myself is changing. I am starting to see myself as a strong individual. One who can do anything she sets her mind to. And a Survivor.