In my last blog post-https://strengthinmystory.com/gaslighting-repeating-the-cycle/ I discussed how gaslighting can happen to you in a variety of relationships. It is important to remember that this is true of your relationship with yourself as well. Once you have been subject to gaslighting, it can be very easy to start to do so to yourself. In your recovery from trauma or other hardships, it is important to employ positive self-talk.
What is Self-Talk?
Self-talk is exactly what it sounds like, how we talk to ourselves. This usually comes in the form of thoughts that we have about ourselves. These can be positive or negative.
Examples of Negative self-talk:
- “I am not good enough to be able to …”
- “I deserve this (negative thing) because everything is my fault”
- “I am just crazy and losing my mind”
Examples of Positive self-talk:
- “I am strong and I got this”
- “Today is going to be a great day”
- “My feelings are valid”
- “I am worthy”
Why Positive Self-Talk Is Important
How we choose to talk to ourselves is incredibly important. Our brain is a powerful tool and our hormones can be greatly affected by the thoughts that we have about a situation. This could look like reducing your stress, improving your self-esteem or confidence, and making you feel better overall. That is not to say that this is a magical fix. Your trauma and hardships are still real, valid, and matter.
One of the ways that I try to do this is regarding my disability. When something is very challenging I recognize the small things out loud to my friend. I struggle with walking due to my disability, so I get very excited about the little things and congratulate myself.
- “Heck yeah I made it up that stair”
- “I caught myself before I fell, I am doing great”
- “I can do this”
This self-talk doesn’t mean my disability isn’t real or that the challenges are invalid, but it means that it doesn’t always feel so heavy and makes it easier to keep fighting and moving forward.
Changing Your Words= Change in Mindset
Oftentimes a simple change in the words that you use to describe something can be more empowering and positive. My dad actually brought this up to me the other day as a part of my recovery from abuse journey. He mentioned to me that he noticed I had shifted my language when talking about departing from my home. I typically have referred to this as “running away” and I just recently switched to saying “I left”. He noted this shift in my mindset of switching from fear to bravery.
Conclusion
I highly encourage you to start finding ways to talk to yourself and about yourself in a positive way and recognizing when you are not. This can be in very small steps. It can be as little as saying, “Today I am going to have a good day”. It can be as big as recognizing that you are worthy of happiness and joy. I know that you are capable of being kind to yourself and you deserve kindness from yourself.
