When you go through divorce there are many things that people don’t tell you. The things that they don’t tell you is about how you may feel. Especially when the divorce or break up is the result of abuse.
They Don’t Tell You About the Family You Lose
A big thing that they don’t tell you is that you will often lose the family or friends that you gained in the relationship. Not only do you lose them, they think badly of you. Then you may start to wonder why?
I was just talking to a fellow domestic violence survivor and they said exactly what I was thinking. “I feel like if his family and our friends only knew what happened they would support me”. But we both know that isn’t true and that we don’t gain anything by trying to convince them. The truth is, we lost those people. And those people lost us. We deserve to be surrounded by people who know our worth. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t mourn the loss of people we truly cared about and probably still care about.
You May Want To Go Back
The other thing they don’t tell you is that you may have a longing to go back to your relationship or have moments when you do. This seems unexpected because you left for a reason. But it is important to remember that it wasn’t all bad and there are memories and plans you had with that individual that you might mourn.
I had one of these moments yesterday. I didn’t want to go back to him. However, I wanted to be married again. I miss having that person I could tell stupid things to and laugh with. It is hard having a chronic illness and not feel like you have that fallback (someone else making money, someone who can pick up food, someone who could do chores). I miss feeling that intimate kind of love that it felt like I once had with my ex-husband. And hugs, I miss having a person to just hug whenever.
What to Remember
These are just two of the big things that they don’t tell you. Trust me that there are 100s more you will discover on your journey. It is important to give yourself grace when you have these moments. You are going through a lot and grief is a journey. The fact that you have made it to where you are now shows that you are a champion and you will get to where you want to be with time and grace.
